Chapter 3: Escape
Your calling can often feel more like a curse than a blessing. It’s natural to sometimes question whether it’s really worth it or not. It’s not whether or not you question, but how you respond to these questions that legitimizes your worth in Life or only reinforces a false self.There are those that have heard their calling, and their message, but attempt to escape the cost it requires to really make a difference. Or one can go so far as to attempt to twist a calling into something that is safe and self-serving. At this point, Life is relegated to be no more than a vending machine that dispenses destiny by request. In the end, this approach becomes performance-based and actually is a form of religion conditional on what you want to do instead of who you really are meant to be. It’s not fair to yourself, or Life.
Why do we try to escape when deep in our spirits we know what we’re to do? Pride is where it all starts. Shame is where it ends.
Once we get a taste of our destinies, our natural desire is to seek control. Control is safe. We want the power to control Life.
We cannot control Life. We’re not in control of anything really. If we had such control why can it be all taken away so easily? It only takes a chance encounter, unexpected illness or random act of violence and trauma to wrestle control from our clenched fists.
The problem with control is we often use it for self-sabotage. Self-sabotage happens whenever you move in the opposite direction or make choices that disqualify you from your calling. This is the prerogative of free will. The opportunity to give ourselves fully to Life or hide and strive to cover our shame is completely within our control. In our culture, never had we more resources or power to “buy our own tickets.” But what good is it to purchase a ticket only to discover we have arrived at the wrong destination?
Why do we self-sabotage then?
Have you ever been in the presence of somebody who seems to have the ability to “stare into your soul?” Have you ever felt completely exposed and vulnerable by this? You just want to say, “Stop looking at me like that!” This is what it is like to be in the presence of Life. You can’t hide from Life. Life is all around you and lingers within everything you do. And because for the most part, we don’t like ourselves very much (some less than others), which is the manifestation of shame, the idea of being naked in the presence of Life can be too much to handle. So we seek control and ultimately decide to self-sabotage. It is self-medication from the pain of self-loathing.
Your calling requires you to go places, say things, defend your convictions and be thrust into the unknown completely out of your control. This is how we grow. And the unpopular truth is we grow best in obscurity–when nobody is feeding our ego. Humility is the fertilizer of character. You never see fertilizer work. You only see the results after a season of patience. There is no spotlight, no cheering crowd, no glory.
There is only Life.
You can’t escape it.
Trust it.
Follow Life to your destiny.
Blessing: May you choose to follow Life today wherever your calling takes you. May you trust Life and accept that you are not in control and that you will not self-sabotage your destiny.
Response: I choose to follow Life today wherever my calling takes me. I trust Life and accept I am not in control and will not self-sabotage my destiny.
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June 14th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
How is it that these seem so well timed for me? To find this kind of post right after what I had yesterday is rather interesting and kind of eerie. There was the telling of my story which is where I was thrust into the spotlight, which is still an uncomfortable place for me still. There are times where I grow best in a group where I can share and feel like there is a point to my existence and what I’ve survived. I’m not sure why this works for me the way it does but I just seem to accept it now.
Later that same day, I was over at the Drop-In Centre where I almost always seem to have a cool adventure. For me, this is where I can run into some new people, have some conversations seem to find some new connections. This time, we got to do some prep work chopping up some carrots before dinner. While this may seem like a simple thing, I find it fun to hear stories while getting something done and feel useful in the world. There is something to be said for giving of oneself. I suppose in a sense that is the underlying point here, that we are supposed to give ourselves into Life, but why did it take me so long to see this? Maybe I just like to complicate things.
June 14th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Looks like things are just lining up for you my man! Trust the invisible, live the impossible!
June 14th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
I guess I am a bit confused about the difference between my calling and my responsibility as a husband and father. Maybe if I do my reponsibilities in the right way then they are my true calling. My job at work is tough at times but I step up to the plate everyday and show up for life so that I can support my family. And I do it with gratitude because it’s my job that enables me to support my family. So is being a supporter of my family my calling. I haven’t chopped carrots in a while but I have done that in the past, but I am always available in my workplace to help somebody out in any way I can. So I guess my question is, am I living my calling?
Steve
June 14th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Great feedback Steven. Yes, being a responsible Father and Husband is a calling. That is a calling for every man who steps into marriage and has children. I take it very seriously as well.
I like to think that my responsibility to my wife and children is a foundational piece to my calling. It gives me credibility and integrity to live out the rest of my blueprint of my calling. The calling goes from a family to fight for to a cause and a mission to fight for as well.
For example, part of my calling is to see people transformed and embrace their destinies regardless of the cost or sacrifice. Having a solid family helps that and if I sacrificed the value of family my calling would seem shallow and not have as an effective of platform. But my message to my family and others is very clear.
So you are off to an amazing start. Foundation is there. Start building on it! I wish you the best.
Ed
June 14th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Great excerpt Ed! It’s like you just wrote my autobiography from the past 8 months or so:-) It’s quite ironic how we spend so much time praying to find our calling and how we reject and fight that very message once we find it, because of the cost, sacrifice and lack of
control” that we feel in following our calling. Quite the journey to say the least! Thanks again for articulating this experience so honestly and so well!
Cat